Here's What's Left: My favorite holiday traditions

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December 11, 2004

My favorite holiday traditions

I love the holidays. The rituals associated with Christmastime: getting up hungover at 5 AM the day after Thanksgiving to go save $20 on a bunch of crap I don't need; singing the old songs that everyone knows the words to, but no one knows what they mean (10 points to anyone who can tell me what "trolling the ancient yuletide carol" would involve); and my favorite, listening to conservative whine about how Christmas is under attack.

Media Matters has been following Bill O'Reilly this year; Bill, sand firmly in vagina, is really mad about how Christmas is under seige:

All over the country, Christmas is taking flak. In Denver this past weekend, no religious floats were permitted in the holiday parade there. In New York City, Mayor [Michael] Bloomberg unveiled the "holiday tree," and no Christian Christmas symbols are allowed in the public schools. Federated Department Stores -- that's Macy's -- have done away with the Christmas greeting "Merry Christmas."

Poor Christmas. Sounds like it's really taking a beating this year. But I did some research, and in 2003 it was being beat up on too!! According to Joe Scarborough and Jerry Falwell, on Nov. 28, 2003:

JOE SCARBOROUGH: Do you believe that Christmas is under attack in America?

JERRY FALWELL, CHANCELLOR, LIBERTY UNIVERSITY: Oh, yes, and it has been for a generation.

I heard earlier tonight Peggy Noonan talking about how Hollywood hates Ronald Reagan. And, of course, you would add George W. Bush. But the fact is that the hatred for Christ that exists with groups like the ACLU, Americans United For Separation of Church and State, the Atheist Society, and sometimes the ADL, unfortunately, the hatred for Christ so pales in the hatred for Ronald Reagan.

To think that commercial America, retail America, New York or Montgomery, Alabama, it's financial success for the year depends on how well that they do during the celebration of the birth of Christ, and they don't even want to invite him to the party, to me, it is unthinkable.

SCARBOROUGH: Jerry Falwell, what do you say those on the left and to judges out there who would way it's unconstitutional to have a nativity scene in a town square?

FALWELL: I would say they are a bunch of idiots.

Back on Christmas Day, 2002, Robert Novak felt compelled to tell us about how he wasn't allowed to say Merry Christmas:

ROBERT NOVAK: Welcome to CROSSFIRE, and a Merry Christmas to everybody. In a minute, we'll ask a couple of guests why that's such a radical thing to say, Merry Christmas, on television today. Well, later, make history on CROSSFIRE. President Bush's one and Bush II; President Clinton, and, yes, President Ronald Reagan will join us, all of them courtesy of political impressionist Jim Morris. So stick around.

But first, we'll say it again. Not happy holidays, not seasoning greetings, but Merry Christmas. Why has the land of the free gotten so uptight that freedom of expression, especially religious expression, is the subject of lawsuits, political fights and shouting matches?

This year alone we've seen the Pledge of Allegiance declared unconstitutional because it contains the phrase "under God." A federal court ordered Alabama's chief justice to remove a monument containing the Ten Commandments from the state's judicial building. The order is being appealed.

And various cities had fights over nativity scenes, menorahs, and other expressions of religion freedom. Is "thou shalt not offend" America's new amendment? In the CROSSFIRE tonight are the Reverend Barry Lynn of Americans United for Separation of Church and State. And in Lynchburg, Virginia, Liberty University founder, chancellor, the Reverend Jerry Fallwell.

Also, in 2002, Bill O'Reilly was annoyed enough to write a column on the attack of Christmas. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the column, but he did talk about it on his Dec. 19, 2002 program:

Now my brand-new column is on the ACLU's attack on Christmas, and you can get it if you go -- if you're a premium member of billoreilly.com, which you can access off our Web site there. It's a little complicated but not a lot.

I was really upset about not being able to find the 2002 column. But then I realized it was OK. Because O'Reilly also wrote one in 2001, "Santa is appalled":

You don't have to be a Christian to understand the importance of the central theme of Jesus' philosophy – that a person love God and love his or her neighbor as himself. Now, this might offend some atheists out there, but so what? The arrogance of a person who dismisses the thought of a higher power offends me. But in our free society, thought is protected.

And so is Christmas. The secularists who would destroy this joyous tradition are destructive fascists who seek to control the free flow of expression. Hey, if I work for King County, Wash., you're telling me I can't say Merry Christmas? What is this, Berlin in the '30s? Beijing in 1949? A Stalin fan club convention?

If Christmas is really under attack by us secularists, we sure aren't doing a very good job are we? I would go on about how it's in the conservative media's interest to make people continue to think that religion is under attack in this country, but I won't. This is stupid. Christmas is not under attack. Please shut up and worry about something real.

-- Michael

Posted on December 11, 2004 at 10:29 PM | Permalink

Comments

I personally have no problems with Christmas. After all, it is a Pagan tradition!

Find out where Christmas trees originated at ALL ABOUT THE CHRISTMAS TREE
Pagan origins, Christian adaptation, & secular status

A snippet:

Origins of the Christmas Tree:
Pagan traditions: Many Pagan cultures used to cut down evergreen trees in December, moved them into the home or temple and decorated them. 7 Modern-day Pagans still do. This was to recognize the winter solstice -- the time of the year that had the shortest daylight hours, and longest night of the year. This occurs annually sometime between DEC-20 to 23. They noticed that the days were gradually getting shorter; many feared that the sun would eventually disappear forever, and everyone would freeze. But, even though deciduous trees, bushes, and crops died or hibernated for the winter, the evergreen trees remained green. They seemed to have magical powers that enabled them to withstand the rigors of winter. Not having evergreen trees, the ancient Egyptians considered the palm tree to symbolize resurrection. They decorated their homes with its branches during the winter solstice. 3
"The first decorating of an evergreen tree began with the heathen Greeks and their worship of their god Adonia, who allegedly was brought back to life by the serpent Aessulapius after having been slain." 5
The ancient Pagan Romans decorated their "trees with bits of metal and replicas of their god, Bacchus [a fertility god]. They also placed 12 candles on the tree in honor of their sun god" 2 Their mid-winter festival of Saturnalia started on DEC-17 and often lasted until a few days after the Solstice.
In Northern Europe, the ancient Druids tied fruit and attached candles to evergreen tree branches, in honor of their god Woden. Trees were viewed as symbolizing eternal life. This is the deity after which Wednesday was named. The trees joined holly, mistletoe, the wassail bowl and the Yule log as symbols of the season. All predated Christianity. 5

Christmas traditions: One Christmas tradition was that St. Boniface (675? - 755; a.k.a. Winfred) cut down a deciduous tree in the presence of some newly-baptized Christians. The tree was an oak -- once sacred to the former Pagans. It miraculously split into four pieces, revealing an evergreen tree growing from the center of the oak stump. This symbolized the death of Paganism and the establishment of Christianity. 3
Another is that Martin Luther (1483 - 1546) was so impressed by a forest scene that he cut down a small fir tree, took it home, and decorated it with lighted candles. This is probably a myth, because the earliest documented record of a Christmas tree in Germany is dated to almost 60 years after his death.

Long live Christmas!

Posted by: cheryl | December 12, 2004 at 12:45 AM

What does "sand firmly in vagina" mean? Does this reference a joke I have not heard? Have I missed a recently spawned cultural buzz-phrase? I honestly do not know, and I *and* my vagina are perplexed. Because, well, for one thing, we don't even *know* the entity called "Bill O'Reilly".

PS: Hope you have a truly sizzlin' Solstice!

Posted by: larkspur | December 12, 2004 at 01:28 AM

Another ridiculous thing is that these same douche bags who prattle on and on about how the crazed liberals (or whatever) are trying to end Christmas or trying to take away the sacredness of Christmas can rarely (if ever) be found speaking out against the really insane over-the-top commercialization of the holiday.

Posted by: Tim | December 12, 2004 at 05:34 PM

larkspur:

i actually debated whether to put that joke in there. it's a South Park thing, unfortunately. from this episode. Here's the relevant dialogue:

Kyle: It's just a marketing ploy by the network. Like that time they had the first male-to-male kiss with Terrance and Phillip?
Stan: Aw, come, on dude! This is history.
Kyle: It's stupid!
Cartman: Jeez, you're a little irritable, Kyle. What's the matter? You got some sand in your vagina?
Kyle: No, I don't have sand in my vagina! I just think it's a little immature for us to be standing around talking about one dumb word being on TV!

and later

Cartman: Don't mind Kyle, everyone, he's just got a little sand in his vagina.
Kyle: THERE'S NO SAND IN MY VAGINA!!!
Ms. Choksondik: [pointing] Boys, watch your language! Shit!

It's become, obviously, a particularly degrading way of saying someone's irritated with something.

Posted by: here's what's left | December 12, 2004 at 07:15 PM

Yeah, the ACLU hates Christ so much they just got a court to uphold the constitutional right of street preachers to harass casino patrons on the Las Vegas Strip even though the casino owners, for obvious reasons, wanted them gone. And they supported that flaming liberal get-the-religion-the-hell-out bill known as the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. And made the city of Hialeah let a Santeria church conduct all the sacrifices it wanted. Funny how the conservacons forget about all the times when the ACLU stands up for people's religious rights, just because they also stand up for the rights of people not to have certain other people's religions shoved down their throats--something which I'm pretty sure I remember reading about being a Very Bad Idea somewhere important....

Posted by: Michael | December 12, 2004 at 08:18 PM

dude, conservacons. that's awesome. can we use that?

Posted by: here's what's left | December 12, 2004 at 11:50 PM

"dude, conservacons. that's awesome. can we use that?"

Sure. Steal what you want :-)

Posted by: Michael | December 13, 2004 at 08:38 AM

I would like to hear some of those avowed Socially Conservative Evil Christians respond to this post.

What do you think of the fact that the right wing is practicing pagan traditions and rabidly advocating idolatry that is forbidden by the bible? What do you think of the fact that the ACLU is defending religious rights? Does any of this give you a queasy feeling that perhaps everything you know is wrong?

Posted by: Cheryl | December 13, 2004 at 12:36 PM

Here's a thought. If Novak, O'Reilly and Scarborough really want to protect Christmas then how about we limit its celebration to the 24 hours of December 25th? I would have no problem with everyone saying "Merry Christmas" if they want on December 25th, or even on the evening of the 24th. But this incessant Christmassing of the world from before Halloween until the New Year is just too damned much for me!

I like the holidays, love Thanksgiving and shopping and giving gifts, seeing the seven candles of Chanukkah, hearing about Kwanzaa, etc. It's fun to celebrate the end of the year, to have some time for families to get together and the rest. The holidays are fun.

But THEY ARE NOT CHRISTMAS. Leave Christmas for December 25th in Christian homes and churches, and leave the rest of the country and month to the secular celebration of the end of the year.

Posted by: Poppy McCool | December 15, 2004 at 12:47 PM

Getting back to the sand in the vagina thing, and it's meaning from Southpark... maybe Bill O could make a pearl?

Posted by: Chari | December 15, 2004 at 02:33 PM

Here at Fox News the stockings are all hung up with care,

In hopes that the Christ Child’s spirit will soon fill the air.

I got Brit Hume a “Get over it” t-shirt,

I got Tony Snow some skates,

and a special gift for Andrea Mackris, the kind that vibrates!

We will gather around the fire and sing carols in that warm glow,

do we have a “holiday tree” at Fox, the answer - Hell NO!

Our Christmas Tree celebrates Jesus who was born on this day,

if you can’t respect that you must be Jewish, Muslim or gay!

And if your Jewish and offended by my public display,

you know the four words that I always say (go back to Israel!).

And you Secular progressives, ye with fire in your soul

if you look in your stocking all you’ll find is coal.

Because santa hates you;

he hates gay marriage and he hates drugs

he hates when you call us “Republican thugs”.

He hates John Kerry, John Edwards, and he still hates Gore

he hates Al Sharpton, but he hates Clinton more.

So let us pray, on this holiest of all nights,

that Jesus helps us conservatives win all our fights.

Our fight for prayer in the classroom, our war in Iraq,

our war against terrorism, wherever next we attack.

So sing out to Jesus in class and in malls,

those who don’t like him can come lick my balls.

On our Fox News Ticker we will happily spell,

Merry Christmas to Christians, the rest go to hell.

Posted by: Bill O'Reilly | December 15, 2004 at 02:42 PM

Ironically enough, "troll the ancient yuletide carol" means "sing the old songs that everyone knows the words to".

("Troll" means "sing joyfully".)

Posted by: Evan | December 15, 2004 at 03:49 PM

"Troll the ancient yuletide carol" --

Troll-- # Music a. To sing in succession the parts of (a round, for example). b. To sing heartily: troll a carol.

Ancient you know, it's like, oooolllldddd, not new, not now.

Yuletide is the turning of the year, the ancient pagan festivals where the light of the sun is renewed by use of sympathetic magic (i.e., fertility rituals, like orgies and such). Adopted by the Church when they appropriated the year-end season for celebrating Jesus' birth, which actually probably happened in the summer -- getting folks to travel to their home city for tax enrollment works better in good weather.

Carol is a song, usually a social as opposed to individual piece, sung for religious reasons.

Is that close enough? If so, send the $10 to the ACLU in my name.

Ed Drone

Posted by: Ed Drone | December 16, 2004 at 03:14 PM